How to Praise Your Child's Math Efforts (The Right Way)
Not all praise helps. Here's the science of effective encouragement that builds math confidence.
"You're so smart!" feels like good praise. But research shows it can actually backfire. Here's what to say instead.
The Research on Praise
Dr. Carol Dweck's famous studies showed that children praised for being "smart" actually perform worse over time than those praised for effort. Why? "Smart" feels like a fixed trait – either you have it or you don't.
Kids praised for being smart avoid challenges (might prove they're NOT smart). Kids praised for effort seek challenges (effort = success).
Praise That Helps
Praise Effort
- •"You worked really hard on that."
- •"I can see you kept trying even when it was hard."
- •"You didn't give up!"
- •"Look how much you practiced."
Praise Strategy
- •"I like how you broke that into smaller steps."
- •"Good thinking to check your work."
- •"You found a different way to solve it!"
Praise Progress
- •"You're getting faster at these."
- •"Last week you couldn't do this, now look!"
- •"Your accuracy is improving."
- •"You've moved up two levels this month."
Praise That Hurts
| Avoid | Why It Backfires | Say Instead |
|---|---|---|
| "You're so smart!" | Creates fixed mindset, fear of failure | "You worked hard on that!" |
| "You're a natural!" | Implies no effort needed, discourages practice | "Your practice is paying off!" |
| "This is easy for you!" | If something is hard later, they feel broken | "You're getting better at this!" |
| "Perfect! All right!" | Creates pressure to be perfect | "Good effort! Let's keep practicing." |
| "You're the best in class!" | Ties worth to comparison | "You've improved so much!" |
What About Mistakes?
Mistakes are learning opportunities, not failures. How you respond to mistakes shapes their relationship with challenge.
- •"Mistakes help your brain grow."
- •"Ooh, that one was tricky! Let's look at it together."
- •"You learned something from that. Now you know!"
- •"It's okay to get it wrong – that's how we learn."
When They're Frustrated
Don't minimize frustration ("It's not that hard!"). Validate and redirect:
- •"This feels hard right now. That's okay."
- •"It's normal to feel frustrated with new things."
- •"Want to take a short break and come back to it?"
- •"Let's try a slightly easier one and build up."
The Long Game
You're not just praising homework. You're building their internal narrative: "I can do hard things. Effort leads to improvement. Mistakes are okay." This mindset lasts a lifetime.
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